


Of Spiders and Shower Sex

by gwynndelous (Eristastic)



Series: SouKisu University AU [10]
Category: Free!
Genre: Banter, M/M, Spiders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-20 22:33:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4804652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eristastic/pseuds/gwynndelous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Watch as one spider in the shower reduces a household of grown men to mayhem (sort of).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Spiders and Shower Sex

**Author's Note:**

> There was a spider in my bath and I was inspired.  
> Terry, you will not be missed.

It was the scream that did it. Screams in small apartments had ways of shaking Sousuke up like nothing else could. He shoved his laptop to the side and leapt off the bed, running out of his bedroom in just jeans and met Rin (who was in much the same state of undress) in the living area. Sousuke looked at him briefly, and then, that possibility crossed out, damn near sprinted across the apartment to get to the bathroom, pounding on the door heavily.

“Kisumi, are you okay?” he called, not bothering to keep the worry out of his voice.

“A-ah…I’m…I’m fine…” came the muffled reply and then the door clicked open, the sound sending sweet relief coursing down Sousuke’s whole body, smoothing away his tension as he saw a rather sheepish (but totally unharmed) Kisumi in the doorway.

“So what the hell was that?” Rin asked, arms crossed, as he stalked over to them.

“Well…” Kisumi seemed to suddenly take great interest in the wallpaper, cringing slightly. “I just got a little surprised by our new tenant, that’s all,” he giggled, embarrassed.

“Our what,” Rin deadpanned. “And wait, ‘our’?!”

“Rin, are we really still arguing that? He basically lives here anyway,” Sousuke sighed, walking into the bathroom as Kisumi stepped aside for him and quickly pressed up against his back to follow him inside.

Having Kisumi peer over his shoulder into the shower was not the most comfortable of positions, but the new tenant was not the most subtle of beasts, so it didn’t matter. It stretched languorously next to the drain, about the size of Sousuke’s hand with ugly twiggy legs and a pill-sized body equipped with disproportionately large pincers, holding itself in that alarming way spiders had where you weren’t sure if they were settling down to sleep or getting ready to run skittishly across the floor. Sousuke didn’t give it the chance, slamming the shower door closed so they could at least contain the blasted thing.

Kisumi got up on his toes to whisper in Sousuke’s ear, “Can we call it Koko?”

“No we can’t: we’re not keeping it.”

“Why not? It might make a nice p-”

He was cut off by a very worrying _erk_ sound coming from the bathroom doorway, as if someone (Rin) had just been pulled back by the neck too quickly. By the time they’d turned around to see if he was alright, Rin was already hallway across the apartment, promptly slamming his bedroom door behind him and, with a faint jangle of clicking, locking it.

Sousuke stared. Kisumi presumably joined him in this but he was too attached to his back (he’d now got his arms around Sousuke’s front) for him to see. There was a pause; the type that was unsure of itself and its very existence but no one felt kind enough to put it out of its misery by speaking.

“…is that why?” Kisumi whispered.

“That’s why.”

With a little farewell squeeze (and a not-at-all-unwelcome press forwards), Kisumi unwrapped himself and leant against the door jamb.

“Should we do something, or…?”

“I imagine getting Koko out would be the first step,” Sousuke said wearily, turning back to look at the spider that was still sitting in the shower innocently, as if it hadn’t just terrorised a grown man. “You want to go get a cup and some cardboard for me?”

“Not going to use your hands?”

“Hell no, and wipe that disappointed look off your face.”

Kisumi stuck out his tongue cheekily and hurried off to the kitchen.

Koko was quickly and efficiently disposed of, thrown out of the window with all the ceremony a spider could ask for. Of course, the task was made no easier by Kisumi’s well-meant encouragements which just threatened to upturn the cup and send Koko up Sousuke’s arm, but eventually it was done. The cup was put in the dishwasher, the shower rinsed out purely for psychological comfort, and they went on with heads held low to the more daunting job of getting Rin to come out of his room.

Kisumi, always the braver man, went first as they sidled up to the locked door. “…Rin? Koko’s out of the shower now…”

“WHO THE _FUCK_ IS KOKO?!”

“…the spider…”

There were several deep breaths from behind the door. “Sousuke, if your boyfriend has kept the spider you cannot see him anymore.”

“I threw it out of the window, Rin. Stop being so dramatic,” Sousuke tried to say assertively, but it came out more nervous than anything else.

“I’m not getting back in that shower.”

“Like there haven’t been spiders in there before!”

“…”

“…had you not realised?”

“Why would you tell me that?!” Rin practically sobbed. “Now I’m only going to be able to think of spiders every time I’m in there! What the hell am I supposed to do now?!”

“Shower at the pool?” Kisumi said rather waspishly, earning him a light punch on the shoulder.

Rin groaned and the sound abruptly grew more muffled, as if he’d just shoved his head in a pillow.

“It’s just a psychological thing, you know!” Kisumi tried again.

“YES. OF COURSE I KNOW THAT.”

“So,” Kisumi went on again, waving his hands like a teacher trying to explain something painfully obvious, “all you have to do is wipe away that psychological repulsion! We’ve washed the shower already, but you can come do it again if you like.”

“That won’t be enough!”

Sousuke and Kisumi shared a Look that accurately packaged the deepest of exasperated (and yet unsurprised) sighs into facial features.

“Would shower sex work, then?” Kisumi called out again before Sousuke could stop him.

“Why would that work?!”

“Well, it gets the shower filled with your smell,” he started counting it off on his fingers as Sousuke watched in a shocked and disbelieving silence, “and fills the place with good memories too, and I’m sure orgasms can override fear of some stupid spider…Oh, but you need to watch out for the showerhead! That shit _hurts_ if you get pushed up against it in the throes of passion!”

There was a short period of silence that Sousuke took advantage of to escape and text Makoto to come over, the best course of action he could see given the unpromising outlook of the whole situation.

Rin’s voice was surprising level when he did speak. “I’m going to regret asking this, but have you two had sex in the shower? The shower that _I_ use?”

There was no shame in Kisumi’s expression. “Yes.”

“I’m going to kill you.”

“Ah, but you have no proof Koko’s not actually out here with us, so I wouldn’t head straight out for murder if I were you.”

“Wait, what?!” Rin spluttered. “You said she- _it_ was out of the apartment!”

“Might have lied.”

“Sousuke! Is it out?!”

“It’s out.”

“Fuck you, Kisumi.”

Kisumi sighed heavily and dramatically, shoving his hip out and resting a fist on it. “Look, you think Cutie Panther is a bad song, I have sex in your shower: we all have our vices.”

“I don’t think it’s bad, I just don’t like Eli that much!”

“ _How_ do you not like Eli?”

Rin spat out some bitter excuse but Sousuke had stopped paying attention and was now just hoping Makoto would get there quickly enough to avoid apartment-wide warfare (which had happened once and would not be spoken about again, suffice to say Sousuke holed himself up in his bedroom and binge-watched Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure until they’d finished). But when he did force himself to look over at Kisumi’s oddly engaging argument with what amounted to a shouting door, he relaxed. Kisumi was grinning but hiding it from his voice, clearly enjoying the whole thing. When he caught Sousuke watching he winked.

With Rin occupied and no violence on the immediate horizon, Sousuke went back to his room.

 

When the doorbell rang and Sousuke got up to get it, Kisumi was sitting cross-legged in front of the door with his phone out, having a very animated dick-measuring contest over whose high score was best on certain songs. Like all supportive boyfriends, Sousuke turned a blind eye to this eccentricity and let Makoto in.

“Is this really all because of a spider..?” Makoto asked hesitantly while he took off his shoes, eyeing the progressively more passionate argument going on in the corner of the apartment.

Sousuke shrugged. “Apparently it’s been a very tiring week. And he never has liked spiders.”

“That’s…understandable…it _is_ gone now, right?”

“Oh, definitely.”

“Koko has successfully been disposed of!” Kisumi shouted brightly, doing a little salute before turning back to the argument he was clearly not winning.

“…Koko.” Makoto’s expression was that of a man unsure whether to do the right thing or just jump ship altogether.

“The name stuck but she’s definitely gone,” Sousuke reassured him in a seemingly very un-reassuring way, given Makoto’s gulp. Privately, Sousuke started to question what kind of people he was surrounding himself with if they couldn’t even handle a single spider.

Kisumi courteously scooted over so they could get to Rin’s bedroom door and Makoto knocked on it nervously. To both Kisumi and Sousuke’s indignation, it opened immediately and Rin was standing in the doorway, his face scrunched up almost petulantly.

Makoto’s expression seemed to melt into something impossibly gentle and kind, and Sousuke almost had to look away for the brightness.

“Are you okay?” Makoto asked with a smile liable to bring salvation to even the most depraved of sinners.

Rin seemed to sniffle a bit but he covered it up expertly in a huff of derision towards Kisumi. “No thanks to these idiots.”

“I was _distracting_ you!” Kisumi retorted good-naturedly. “It’s not my fault you take Love Live too seriously.” Sousuke thought that was a bit rich, honestly, but he kept the comment to himself.

Rin huffed again but allowed Makoto to hug him in the doorway. As he was wont, Kisumi interrupted the charming picture. “So are you going to try out my suggestion of shower sex?” he asked in a chirpy voice.

Makoto almost choked and Sousuke swiftly pulled Kisumi to his feet and pushed him into his bedroom before Rin could take some sort of revenge. He locked the door behind them and Kisumi looked up at him adoringly from the edge of the bed.

“You’re a pest, you know that?” Sousuke said happily, sitting next to him and lying down after pushing his laptop gently out of the way.

“Mm-hmm, but are you _sure_ we can’t get a spider as a pet?”

“If we do, Koko Two is going to spend all her time at your parents’ place and you won’t be allowed in this apartment anymore by way of association with her.”

Kisumi sighed, cuddling up to Sousuke’s side. “Such struggles we suffer through.”

“I’ll get you a stuffed spider toy, how about that?”

“Nah, that’s okay: I mainly want one to annoy Rin.”

With a snort of laughter, Sousuke rolled Kisumi onto him in a bear hug.

**Author's Note:**

> I really forgot how much I adore writing this AU, but the ideas I get for it are like shooting stars of sudden inspiration that doesn't return for a few weeks. Well, it's fun when it does happen.


End file.
